A Mum’s Brave Story of Loss and Hope: Chapter 6, what I want others to know

"What I want professionals and other parents to know…"

What I want professionals to know…

I love my child. I always have, and I always will.

Parenting can be hard, especially if you’re on your own and have a limited support network.

It can be hard for people to accept support because it can be scary.

It’s really important for professionals to show empathy and take the time to build a relationship with you so you trust them.

Professionals should not give people labels as these can be damaging and be  all others see rather than getting to know the individual for who they are.

Please listen and do not judge.

People are more likely to engage with services if they are given choice about what support they need and want.

Choice to me means being able to say no to things that I don’t think are helpful and yes to things I think will help me. Please don’t use my choices against me.

Take time to explain to people how different services can help us, and what they can do so we can make an informed choice about working with them.

Having lots of professionals involved can feel too much and overwhelming and make people more likely to withdraw.

Professionals who submit expert opinions in Court about a person’s parenting capacity should spend sufficient time with the parent and their children before making conclusions and recommendations. One day is not enough for an assessment that may impact on the rest of a family’s life.

Professionals should admit when they get things wrong, particularly with communication, or if they are late or are unable to attend a meeting.

If a decision is made for a child to be removed from their parent, the parent should have support put in place to help them cope with the trauma and loss.

Having an independent Keyworker by my side to support me has helped me to cope, feel listened to and not feel alone.

People can overcome huge challenges and make positive changes for themselves and their children if they are given time and the right support.  

What I want other parents to know….

Always have hope.

Never give up.

Always be there for your child no matter what.

You need to put in as much work as you want to get out of it.

Do things for yourself, it doesn’t work if you are just ‘ticking boxes’ by attending a group or a course, nothing changes. You need to want to get something out of it, to learn, that way you can make changes.

Protect yourself by keeping a log of communication, like emails and telephone calls in case you need them in the future.

If you can find a service like Hurdle, work with them. They will support you and help you to access groups and services that will make a difference.

I know things can get hard, but you’ve got to keep at it.

Don’t stop. It gets better. 

““I love my child. I always have and I always will."

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